Monday, March 21, 2011

The Politics of Planning Showers

Have I mentioned before that I love my future sister-in-law?  Because I really, really do.  She has been such an amazing resource, support, and cheerleader for Mr. NM and I throughout our entire relationship and it's been no different when it comes to our wedding.  She organized an incredible engagement dinner for us, she's letting us showcase our niece in the starring role of flower girl, and now she has graciously offered to host a co-ed wedding shower for us.  (Cue:  "awwwww!")

{FBIL, FSIL, future niece}

Little did she know that, in offering this amazing gift of a shower to us, she'd be wading into some uncharted territory for my family.  The issue is this:  No one in my entire extended family has ever gotten married outside the state of Georgia.  So now here I come along, living and getting married 2561.46 miles away from everyone (not that I'm counting). 

{thank you, Mapquest}

FSIL asked for our tentative guest list, and I had no clue how to handle the family issue.  So I called my mom, and unsprisingly she didn't really know what to do either.  She said what I thought she would - that people in my family always have/host/go to bridal showers.  She also said, "But no one here is going to throw you a shower, so I don't know how that changes things." 

(Side note:  I'm going to be honest here.  Of course I knew that no one was going to throw me a shower, so it's not like I was at all expecting that.  It would also require some coordination to even get home for a shower, which is another reason not to have one in Georgia.  But even with all of that, it still stung to hear her say it so directly.)

Anyway, so mom thought maybe it wouldn't hurt to invite everyone in my family, knowing that they wouldn't come.  Fine, sounds good.  But then FSIL pointed out that would be a total guest list of 86 people, since it's co-ed.  I don't know about you, but that just seems like a ridiculous number of invitees for a shower, even if most of them don't show up.  FSIL was totally willing to invite everyone anyways, but I'm leaning towards nixing the family invites on my side.  It's just too much hassle.  Plus my grandfather was recently in a bad car accident, so it wouldn't be a very sensitive time to send out shower invites.

{me and my maternal grandparents - you can tell whose height and build I inherited, huh?}

I don't have *any* reservations about my decision not to invite my family members to the shower in SF.  I'm just wondering if my GA family would want a shower opportunity of their own.  But what can I do about that?  It's not like I can throw a shower for myself.  But the only person who could reasonably throw a shower for me back home would be my mother and it doesn't seem like she's considering that as an option.  I suppose if it's important enough to someone, then they'll just do it.  And if not, it wouldn't make sense for them to be upset about it.  So that's where I'm leaving it for now - worried enough to think about it but not worried enough to take any action.

I know this is a tough subject to broach, but if you're comfortable sharing then I'd love to hear how you navigate tricky family politics.  Any wisdom, laughs, or advice to share?

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